2019 Reflections & Stepping into the Power of 2020

It’s taken me almost a month to reflect on all of 2019.

It was heavy, heartbreaking, empowering, connected, challenging - an all around transformative year for me.
It taught me who I was, showed me what I wanted out of life and allowed me to see my own strength when I felt lost and low beyond belief. It showed that the only person that can save you is yourself and you are responsible for making a life you are proud of.

Through this, 2019 brought me to a place where I feel so aligned - with my career and school, my confidence in myself as a person and in the connections and relationships I want to cultivate in my life. And in that process of learning, it was difficult to see and experience what I did not want to get to this place I am at now.

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At the start of 2019, I traveled, expecting fo find a new home in San Diego, to later realize this was a trip of finding my own truth instead.

At the end of February I returned home with a lot of emotion and experience to process. I grieved a dream that was not aligned as I planned for my next steps. I was faced the truth of so many things while at home, the truths I couldn’t run from anymore. The doors continually closed for me there, giving me the clear signs to get out that my inner voice had already been guiding me to.

While at home, I had the chance to become a barista something I have always wanted to do, publish my writing and report again, fly a model airplane, fall in love and dive deeper into my own personal work with an amazing therapist. It was a challenging time but a time of great learning and clarity.

In August, after 6 tumultuous months at home, I drove back to New Orleans alone and set up a life for myself here. I arrived at an empty apartment that felt more like home than anything I’ve ever felt. Slowly my home started to come together.

I was back in school, studying something that I believe will be my life’s work. I had the opportunity to meet amazing people and show up as this new version of myself with a fresh slate. I had people who deeply believed in my success and pushed me continue forward in neuroscience and medicine. And in that the move had its challenges, I dealt with a car accident as soon as I arrived and generally processed and worked through the year I had just experienced. But overall, I was in a place of immense peace with the life I had created there.

I ended 2019, with a return home that brought up a lot of emotions for me. It gave me perspective on the year and more to process in preparation for 2020 ahead.

I’m so grateful for all the lessons of 2019 and how firm I feel in myself and my purpose and my truth now. I feel so open wide to life and experience and so committed to my own growth it feels hard to even explain. The person I was at the beginning of this 2019 is just not the same person I am now. I know myself I love myself and I believe deeply in this woman that I am.

With this in mind, my intention for 2020 is power. This year is about stepping into my personal power and aligned with my self sovereignty. It’s no more of playing it small and accepting less than I’m worth. It’s about stepping into my dreams and not doubting them for a second. It’s the year of embodying the courage to ask for what I need and show up in all my fullness. (It’s the year & the year of the goddess baby)

To end, I’ll share something I wrote last night:

The woman I am becoming

Is asking me to step up

This woman is asking me for everything

And,

I’d be willing to give everything for her to rise

Much love and deepest intentions,

-Madeline